Have you ever been attacked by a GUINEA HEN!?!?
Last week my bosses, Kim and Terra, sent me out to a house to pick up a lock box, flyer box, and multiple signs. How hard is that!?!? Well it started when I pulled in the neighborhood. Across the street stood an innocent wild turkey or at least I thought it was innocent. I went to the front door to get the lock box and that went very smoothly. I walked back to my car and put the lock box up and headed into the yard to get the flyer box and sign. As I was walking towards the sign, out of the corner of my eye I saw this ferocious animal charging towards me making the most terrible screeching noise. So much for being an innocent turkey, HE WANTED TO KILL ME! My first reaction was just to start running but I chose to run the opposite way of my car. Sometimes you just can’t think straight when you are scared to death. I stopped running and turned around to find that this stupid turkey had chased me a block and a half down the street. I did everything from yelling to stomping my feet at it. Nothing scared this turkey, it only made it screech louder! It was trying to attack me! I was not going to let it happen. So I strategically planned how I could make it back to my car without dying. Heels and all I made it back to safely! I sat in my car and could not believe that this turkey was making this simple errand so challenging. I knew I couldn’t go back to the office without the sign and flyer box. That would be unacceptable! After sitting trying to catch my breath and calm my heart, that was still beating out my chest, I decided to take another run for it. I rolled down my window to see if I was in the clear and I WAS NOT! The stinking turkey was waiting at my door ready to attack! Honestly at this point I wanted him to die. I’m sorry animal lovers but I threw my car in reverse and tried to…well you get the point. Don’t think bad of me, it WAS self defense. I wasn’t successful though. There was no way that I was getting out of my car again. So for the first time ever and hopefully the last I pulled as close to the sign as I could, rolled down my window, praying that the turkey would not fly into my car, and I pulled the sign out through my window. Talk about awkward! Once I got the sign in my car I drove to the end of the cul-de-sac and got out to move the sign out of my lap, hoping it had not already ripped my leather seat. Believe or not here came the sprinting, screeching, stupid turkey! I quickly jumped in my car avoiding getting attacked one last time. This time I decided to drive a little further away from the turkey to move the sign that was still in the front seat with me. I made it to the entrance of the neighborhood. I got out of my car to make the move and found 2 goats walking down the road. I couldn’t believe it, who left the barn door open?!? As far as I was concerned, the wild turkey wanted to peck my ankles and these goats probably wanted to eat my clothes! I finally got the sign situated and was on my way. But wait there was one more sign that I needed to pick up. I stopped, jerked the sign back and forth to loosen it up and finally got it out of the rock hard dirt. When I looked up there was a school bus and about 4 cars waiting on me, I kindly waved with a smirk thinking, you have NO idea what I have just been through! Feeling like I had cheated death, I drove away only to feel a huge black bug crawling across my forehead. Instead of flicking it, I somehow perfectly smeared it across my forehead. That was the cherry on top!
Later when I was showing my sister pictures of this ferocious, ugly, wild turkey that wanted to kill me… she informed me it was a guinea hen. That doesn’t sound half as scary as a wild turkey but I assure you, that guinea hen wanted to KILL me!!